Naruto the Elder Darkness
by fairy tail dragon slayer
Summary: Naruto, the last of the ultimate breed of humans was left half dead upon the remains of his homeworld from the war with Obito. Found and picked up he was experimented on and given family. Naruto/Harem
1. Chapter 1 The Beginning

**Disclaimer: I do not own 'Naruto' or 'To Love-Ru'**

**This was suppose to be my second story, but like with my original first one the notes for it were lost. Don;t worry, I will NEVER forget about a story. If I don;t update on a story in awhile then one of two thinsg happened. One, I lost the notes I had for it, or Two I had writers bloc on the story. I might be a busy man, but I will always MAKE the time to wrote my stories for you guys.**

**Story Start. (Short Prologue) **

"Subject Number 1294 has stablized Master Nemesis, and his vital signs have gone to what appears stable for an above average Zero Type Human from the Shinobi planet in sector 1493. A race that surpassed even the Devilduke in pure strength potential." A scientist said as he and a small dark skinned girl with pitch black hair and cat-like eyes looked at a blond seventeen year old boy floating in a tube of green liquid. His eyes were slightly open and would change between red and blue. The most notable trait he had were the whisker marks on his face.

This was Naruto Uzumaki... The last Zero Type Human from his home planet. when the Juubi had turned back into it's tree state it had backed up with power and blew up. Destroying anything and everything. The Kyuubi no Kurama inside him mixed with Sage Mode and Uzumaki durability had saved him from dying. Though he was the only one, but the level of destruction had caught the attention of the people currently experimenting on him.

"Has he shown the same abilities as 'Eve' yet?" Nemesis asked with a near sadistic look on her face when she remembered how they had found him. All that had been left of his body was the top half from the waist up, though you would not be able to tell it from looking at him now. Even when they found him he had enough life left him him to raise his arms in defence of himself, and had been able to damage Nemesis when she ventured to close to him.

"Yes. At this moment with the amount of Nanomachines we have used to reconstruct his body with have exceeded the amount in Subject Eve's body by over seven and a half times. Though strangely due to some sort of inner energy present in Number 1294's body has caused the Nanomachines to undergo... and evolution into 'Perfect' non-overheating forms." The scientist said as Nemesis noticed the glare they were recieving from the boy in the testing tank. She smirked up at him and the glare turned hateful in nature, before it lost it's hateful properties.

"My... Name... Is Naruto... Uzumaki." He said from within the tank as his enhanced senses caught what they were saying about him. Nemesis was unable to hear what he was saying, but her ability to read lips let her know what he meant.

"Interesting... Is Subject Mea still in the incubating stage or had she moved onto the Nanomachine stage?" Nemesis asked in curiosity.

"Right now her body is being prepped for the invasion of the Nanomachines Master Nemesis." The scientist said and Nemesis gained an idea. A cat-like grin worked it's way to her face.

"Remove a sample of the Nanomachines in... Naruto Uzumaki and place them into Mea once she has finished her prep. These new machines should be able to grant new abilities that 'Eve' could only dream of." Nemesis said and the man gulped.

"A-as you wish Master Nemesis." The man said as the young looking girl walked out of the room with a dark smile. As she walked by the door she saw a young girl with blonde hair identical in color to the man in the tanks, and red eyes similar to when the mans eyes were red. She wore a hospital dress and stared at the boy in the tank.

"Ah! Eve. Looking at your big brother again I see. He looks happy to see you again. You come by here every day now don't you?" Nemesis said and the girl nodded with a small smile and walked up to the tank and placed a hand on the glass. When both the scientist and Nemesis were out of the room Naruto moved his hand to meet hers and their hands turned into fists. It looked like they were bumbing fists at this point.

"Onii-sama. When will you be escaping?" Eve asked with a pure and innocent smile. Naruto, from within the tank, smiled at her as well. For the last few weeks she had been the only pleasant company the war surviver had. Then he world disappeared around Eve and she was surronded by white.

"Welcome back Eve-chan!" Naruto greeted with a big smile as he sat in front of the Kyuubi no Kurama. The Tailed Beast he had been stuck with the day he was born. The fox-like energy being opened an eye and looked at Eve and gave a nod of acceptance. Eve did not freak out a where they were since she already knew.

They were in Naruto's mindscape, and she was only able to enter due to the fact that she connected hearts with him through the semi-fist bump. Naruto swore that nothing seemed to faze this girl anyway.

"Thank you Onii-sama, but I repeat. When will you be escaping? You are more powerful than they could ever dream. Yet, you let them experiment on you and pump you full of Nanomachines. Like myself you are not a member of any race anymore." Eve stated and Naruto ruffled her hair affectionatly.

"I won't leave until you leave, or the experiment gets to bad. Right now they don't really hurt. How is Tearju?" Naruto asked as he questioned about the woman Eve was based after. The woman had given Eve her name, and had been planing on re-naming Naruto to Adam. Since they were both the only ones of their species now they were like Adam and Eve. Naruto refused though. His name was Naruto, and he was proud of it.

"I do not know where she is." Eve said sadly, before Naruto leaned down and kissed her on the forehead gently. Kurama silently gagged at the loving gesture, but Naruto silently sent him the middle finger from behind his back.

"It's okay Eve-chan. She gave you a name, so always remember her in your heart and carry on her will with pride. Be the Eve you were meant to be, and know that I will always be there for you until the day I die. That is the promise of a life time." Naruto said as the girl smiled widely. Naruto returned the smile, not knowing of the things to come. Eve and Naruto faded from the mindscape as they finished their conversation for the day, or risk getting found out.

"Goodbye Onii-sama." Eve muttered as she left to go back to her assassin training. She would never tell her Onii-sama they were trying to weaponize her, since she did not knwo how he would react. He had told her stories everday about the missions he went on, the people he met, and the countries he had saved. She would never tell him that she was going to be drowning in a sea of blood she herself made. It would break his heart... and her Onii-sama had goen through enough. She had decided upon the road of the assassin to buy her Onii-sama from Nemesis and they could go to one of the underdeveloped planets and live happily together.

Forever and Ever.

"**Heh. You sure do know how to get the girls brat.**" Kurama said from within Naruto head. Naruto chuckled as well, and thanked god that at least Eve was a somewhat normal girl. Because at least he did not have a crazy, pink haired girl running around making his life more difficult... Sakura was bad enough, and he had just escaped that. Naruto winced at the memory of his friend, and more memories of all his firends came into his head and if not for the fact he was unable to cry when in the tank he would have tears streaming down his face.

Naruto winced as the tank extracted some of his Nanomachine from his body, but he had felt worse pain from being run through the chest and exploding. In the tank next to him a young red haired girl of about three years old looking floated as her tank was filled with green liquid. Naruto looked on, knowing that she would be dead if she did not get the Nanomachines. Otherwise he would never let them experiment on a girl her age.

'I am sorry Mea. I hope that you become a wonderful woman one day with my Nanomachines in you, and if you can here me never lose yourself to the road you will be thrusted into.' Naruto thought as he nodded off to sleep. The extraction had made him tired.

**[Seven Years Later]**

Naruto was still in his tank, but something that had not changed was his appearance. The Nanomachines in his body had stopped his natural aging. Naruto watched as the tank next to him disappeared into the wall, showing that Eve was coming. The door opened and Eve appeared. Unlike Naruto she had grown slightly and had changed her clothes to a black loli dress with a four pointed star on her chest. She walked up to Naruto's tank and smiled at him, though it was nearly unnoticable to any but Naruto.

"Onii-sama. I have returned. I can not stay long. I have a few more missions today." Eve said and Naruto smiled down at her from within the tank. Naruto had been mosed to anouther tank with thicker glass to keep him from fist bumping with Eve. Though now she could read lips.

"Hey Eve-chan. Noce of you to show up after a full three monthes. I was beginning to wonder if you had forgotten about your dear old Onii-sama." Naruto said he joked around with her for a second.

"Please address me as Golden Darkness Onii-sama. Eve leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I wish you would call me by my prefered name." Eve said and Naruto shrugged from within his tank. Eve had changed a lot over the years emotionally un like himself. Naruto was like an unchanging storm of destruction with an unshakable will of fire.

"Would Yami be fine. Golden Darkness is a bit of a mouthful don;t you think?" Naruto asked and the now named Yami nodded. Naruto gained a serious expression and looked at Eve. "I plan on escaping and heading to Earth. From what I hear they have humans on that planet, and I can blend in and disappear for awhile. I wanted to let you know since this will most likely be out last meeting for a few years." Naruto said and Yami looked troubled. She did not like the idea of him going to a place where she might ever see him again. Naruto saw her look and he moved forward and merged with the glass and came out the other side. He gave Yami a kiss on the head and whispered something into her ear before she leaned up and stole a quick kiss from his lips.

Naruto smiled at her and ran out of the run like a ninja and disappeared into the shadows. By the time the alarms had started ringing he had already taken and escape pod and went towards Earth. He was lucky the mutated Nanomachines gave him the ability to go inside peoples head and learn what they knew, so piloting the pod was simple for him.

It took about a month for him to get to Earth, but luckily each pod had three months of dried food packed away. Naruto looked at the beautiful planet and smiled as he started to descend towards Earth. Then he realized something...

"How do I land... The guy I stole this from only knew how to plot a course... Damnit!" Naruto yelled as he crashed landed a few hours later inside of the apartment of an unlucky girl named Akiho Sairenji and her little sister Haruna Sairenji. They both ran into the living room and saw an alien pod in the middle of the room. They saw the door to the pod open and two blond stands of hair jumped out of the pod and attached to their foreheads. Naruto quickly learned everything he needed to knwo about the language and the customs so as to blend in better. He also learned that if he wanted to survive better he would need to attend High School, so with that Naruto's hair tranformed and started cleaning up the room while he erased himself from the girls memories. Once that was over he pressed a button on the pod and it shrank down to the size of a marble. He gave the girls one last look and left the house. He felt bad for invading their privacy and seeing their whole lives but now was not the time.

"Sorry ladies, but this shall always be known as the day you almost remembered Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto stated in a goofy voice and shut the door behind him. He turned his finger into a key and locked the door before turning it back. Like a true ninja he left no trace he was there, though the girls would have one hell of a headache when they woke up.

Now he just needed to go find a river to bathe in, since he had not taken a bath in years and the pod had no shower so he smelled like death.

**Chapter End**

**This was a prolouge chapter and was suppose to be short. This starts before cannon. The other stories that had their notes lost are secret but I can tell you their crossovers.**

**Naruto/Ikki Tousen, Naruto/Girls Bravo, and Naruto/Angel Beats**

**PLEASE LEAVE LOTS OF NICE LONG REVIEWS, BUT NO FLAMES**


	2. Chapter 2 The Princess of Idiots

**Disclaimer: I do not own 'Naruto' or 'To Love-Ru'**

**Story Start.**

It had been two years since Naruto had escaped from the space ship and crash landed on Earth, which made him 26 years old now. He still looked like he did when we was seventeen so that meant he would still need to go to the school he slowly put himself in after forging birthpapers and other essentials for himself. He had slowly introduced himself into the city so as not to arouse suspicion. He was able to breeze through classes by stealing the knowledge from the smarter people in class, and had become one of the top students.

'I wonder how Eve is doing?' Naruto thought as he barely listened to the teacher talk about the history of the sighed when he realized that war was everywhere, but even now he wanted to find a way to prevent it from happening again. A few minutes of silent plotting had Naruto missing the bell to go home. He felt someone pulling on his shoulder and saw Rito Yuuki, a boy with orange hair and yellow eyes that was both kind and shy/nervous. When Naruto had first transfered into the school this was the only person who talked to him... not counting the fangirls. He never counted the fangirls. His wild blond hair he kept in a pontail, his red eyes that looked like blood, and his whisker cheek marks all made people think he was a punk.

Naruto knew he could change his looks anytime he wanted, but that did not fit him. He was proud of the way he looked. He missed his old blue eyes, but they were a result of his body mutating the Nanomachines in him. Though they did make his eyes look like he was always glaring at people.

"Whatcha need me for buddy?" Naruto asked with a tilt of his head.

"Mikan wants you to come over for dinner and show her that ramen recepie you told her about last time. I told her you were a very busy guy, but she did not take no for an answer." Rito said and Naruto chuckled. Mikan was one of the few people that had crushes on him, even if he did not know about her crush to him.

"I can come over. I always have time for friends, and even though you are a an unlucky chicken when it comes to confessing the two of you are still my friends." Naruto stated as Rito fell into a semi-depressed state. This had been an ongoing problem for awhile now. Rito would attempt to confess his feeling towards his crush Haruna, and then he would either chicken out or something would stop him. Naruto honetly found the whole thing funny, and sad at the same time. Naruto got up and pat him on the back in a comforting way. "Don't worry dude, she will be yours eventually... I think." Naruto said, and like magic Rito cheered up.

"Thanks Naruto!" Rito said and Naruto laughed a little. Naruto stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He was already used to the way Rito could easily get depressed, and knew all the ways to knock the depression out of him. "Hey Naruto, can you go on without me? I want to try confessing again." Rito asked and Naruto got an idea.

"Sure, let me help you though. If you want to confess with success then here is what you do." Naruto said as he whispered the plan to Rito, who blushed and nodded. It was a good plan with higher chances of success than what he had been hoping to do.

"Thanks!" Rito yelled as he ran out, leaving Naruto to walk home alone with his thoughts to keep him company. Naruto walked all the way to the Yuuki Household in a few minutes easily and used the key Mikan had given him to walk in. He was a welcomed guest since it seemed that his looks inspired Ringo Yuuki to make a whole new fashion design, and their father to make a whole new manga based off of his personality. Naruto felt a small weight slam into his chest and fall to the floor, and he had to look away from the slightly damp form of Mikan Yuuki. It seems she had just gotten out of the bath since she was wearing a towel around her tiny body, and her hair was still wet.

"Eep! Naruto!"

And with that she ran out of the living room and up to her own room in embarrassement. Naruto whistled and walked to the kitchen to begin the preperations for dinner. This was not the first time he had seen a girl naked so it was not as bad for him. After spending over seven years in a clear tank being experimented on in the nude changed how a person viewed modesty. He only looked away to protect her from even more embarrassement, though it only slightly worked.

"It seems that both of them are unlucky when it comes to being thrown in pervy situations." Naruto said to himself with a chuckle at how Rito would always get himself into places that made him look like a pervert, and Mikan would always seem to be naked whenever he came over. If he had been a more perverted man he would have been thnking she did it on purpose.

... Naw! Mikan was to innocent to be that bold.

Mikan came back into the room a few minuted later in her bed clothes and said her greetings to Naruto.

"Afternoon Naruto-kun. Where is Rito?" Mikan questioned the much taller boy. Naruto withheld a laugh at how she called him -kun when he was over 12 years older than her,even if he did not look the part. Eve was 24 and she looked about Mikan's age most of the time.

"Rito is trying once again to get Haruna to be his girlfriend." Naruto answered with a grin that Mikan had learned to tell was his pranking grin.

"You gave him an idea didn't you?" Mikan asked with a deadpan face. Naruto and plans did not ever add up to something good.

"I may have told him the best way to confess your emotions is to humiliate yourself and then confess your feeling in the form of a song. Then while their in shock give them a big smooch on the lips to seal the deal." Naruto said and Mikan nearly cut her finger off when she missed the onion she was chopping.

"That's going to get him slapped!" Mikan yelled in shock, and then she remembered something. If Rito was dumb enough to follow Naruto's advice he deserved to get slapped a few times anyway.

"I know. You would think he would have realized by now when he is being pranked. This is like the tenth time I have given him horrible advice this month alone. Most people would have learned after being covered in honey and covered feathers while in the middle of the mall and made to run home half naked." Naruto said with a grin. That was a great day, and a wonderful photo opportunity to go in the book of awesome he was making that depicted each and every successful prank.

He had tons of pictures. Mikan when he dressed her in a baby diaper and bib with a pacifier, Rito wearing drag, Rito hanging from his ankle by a robe, Mikan duck tapped to the ceiling, and many other students from the school in humiliating positions.

"You are mean. You honetly know that right?" Mikan asked and Naruto nodded and placed the noodles he had just finished inside the pot to cook. After about a dozen minutes a waiting Naruto and Mikan saw a smiling Rito coming from the living room with his face painted green. He ran over and gave Naruto a hug that made the man turn green as well.

"THANK YOU! Your advice worked! Haruna and I are dating!" Rito yelled as Mikan and Naruto looked at him shocked. Naruto's prank failed... and worked in Rito's favor! Damnit, what the hell happened to do that! Naruto pushed Rito off of him and looked down on his ruined clothes and the green blotches on his skin. Rito laughed in happiness and ran up to his room.

...

...

"Can I use your bath? Your stupid brother got green stuff on me." Naruto asked as Mikan grimanced at the stains she knew were going to form on his white clothes. It was a shame since she knew he only had a few sets of clothes. He was not exactly the richest guy around, and literally lived in a beat down apartment. He seemed happy though with it. Hey, even a shack looks better after seven years of being stuck in a tube being forced to listen to smart people talk, and a little looking girl staring at him. It was part of the reason she invited him over so much, he had always been so nice to her and this was a way of showing her thanks. One would not look at Naruto and think he lived in a beat down apartment living off of ramen.

"Sure. You know where it is. I still say you should just move in. Mom and the old man have been trying to get you to live here for a year now. You can't honestly tell me you are happy with that dingy apartment." Mikan said as Naruto smiled sadly.

"The day I move in here is the day that I am forced to marry an alien princess with pink hair and a devil tail that is a super genius whose inventions bring misfortune with every one." Naruto said and he suddenly felt a chill go up his spine. Seriously, what were the odds that he had just signed his own death warrent? Then again, he was both the most lucky and unlucky guy in the universe. He was able to survive over three fourths of his home world exploding, but was picked up by a girl that experimented on him for years and made a modified clone of him.

The scientist he had stolen the information about piloting a pod had also had information on the fact Mea was a clone of him mixed in with some of his mother's predominant DNA in his body. Combine that with the fact she was infused with the Second Generation Nanomachines his body produced and she was like his own daughter. He was old enough to have a daughter. He also knew that she would inherit some of his more... insane qualities. He idly wondered how old she would look now, since she had looked three years old after a month of life.

"Yeah what are the odds of that happening." Mikan said as Naruto turned the corner and pulled out a small disk machine from his pocket when he entered the bath. Turning it on he saw part of the screen of the device light up.

"Onii-sama calling Eve." Naruto said and the device's screen turned black. Naruto sighed at yet another failure in calling Eve. He placed the device in the basket with his clothes and wrapped a towel around his waist. "I guess that was to much to hope for. I wonder what she is doing though." Naruto said to himself as he ran the bath and got most of the green stuff off with the shower nozzle. Naruto heard a knocking and saw Mikan stick her head in with a blush.

"I left you a new shirt in the basket if you need it. It is one of my Dad's old shirts and the two of you are about the same height... Hurry up!" Mikan said as she left the room quickly. Naruto rose an eyebrow at the weird thing she did but shrugged it off. She came from a weird family... not that he could complain. Naruto looked in front of him in the tub and his ability to pick up Natural Energy saw that energy was quickly collecting into the form of a girl. Then in a sudden pop a naked girl with pink hair landed in the tub.

"Escape successful!" The naked pink haired girl said as she stretched her arms, and did not even bothering to cover her exposed chest. Naruto's eyes drifted over her form and drank in her extrodinary beauty. The sea-foam green eyes, the cotton candy pink hair, the bountiful breasts, and the tail... Devildukian. So this was a Devildukian girl, at first glance Naruto would have assumed she was from his world because of the Chakra in her body. Only Zero Type Humans, Mea, and Devildukians had chakra in their bodies. Naruto was the last Zero Type Human, Mea was with Nemesis, so that left one option left.

"As nice as the view I am getting is... Who are you Devildukian?" Naruto asked and the girl looked surprised he knew what she was.

"I am Lala Devilduke. Nice to meet you. What's your name? And how does an Earthling know about Devilduke?" Lala questioned curiously. Earthlings were not suppose to even know that their was life outide of their planet.

"Naruto Uzumaki, and I am not from this planet either Lala. I was originally from the Shinobi World." Naruto said and now Lala looked giddy with excitement. Her dad had told her amazing stories about how all the Zero Type Humans had the potential to be even more powerful than her own race. Though they were even more ignorant about outer space life than Earthlings, and their whole planet was blown up.

'Nipples... Pink Nipples to go with her hair.' Naruto thought as his eyes went to her chest before he shook himself out of it. He was not some hormonal teenager, he was a fully grown man stuck in the body of a teenager.

"Wow! I thought that planet blew up." Lala said and Naruto winced at the memory and his whole lower half felt the phantom pains of exploding. "My inventions were based off the powers the Zero Type Humans had! You have to teach me more about your race!" Lala went on as Naruto sighed. The girl was happy and innocent, and he liked that, but she was bringing up bad memories.

"The planet did blow up, but it takes more than being on an exploding planet to kill me. For I am the Toad Sage Naruto Uzumaki, the man that makes the ladies swoon and men glare at my rising form in jealousy. Badies stop crying to look at my awesome, and cats bark from the awe they fell upon my arrival." Naruto said in the best way he had of dealing with stressful memories... Act like the Pervy Sage.

"Hahaha, your funny Naruto-kun! I wish my Daddy would set up Marraige Interviews with guys like you!" Lala said before she clamped her hand over her mouth. Naruto face palmed and figured out just how bad his luck was. This girl was royalty, and had popped naked when he was bathing. Naruto suddenly got the image of Rito freaking out in this scenerio. At least he was understanding of the situation. Lala was most likely sick of marraige interviews

'To think... If I had not given him that advice he would be the one who was in the bath when Lala appeared. Though this may be karma for messing with the boy's head. Heh, after so long being bored this was a welcome surprise.' Naruto thought with a smirk.

"**Lala-sama!**" A small robot yelled as it flew through the open bath window.

A welcome surprise indeed.

**Chapter End.**

**Sorry, but I was so tired when I was writing this it took longer than my usual time to finish. I left of at this point on the chapter for a reason.**

**Naruto Harem - Eve, Lala, Momo, Yui, and the rest are secret for right now.**

**PLEASE LEAVE ME LOTS OF NICE LONG REVIEWS, BUT NO FLAMES PLEASE**


	3. Chapter 3 I Deserve That

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own 'Naruto' or 'To Love-Ru'**

**Age List: Naruto 26, Eve/Yami 24, Mikan 12, Lala 16, Rito 16 (How Old They Are)**

**Physical Age List: Naruto 17, Eve/Yami 15, Mikan 14, Lala 17, Rito 16 (How Old They Look)**

**Story Start.**

"So let me get this straight... You are the princess of the whole universe and your dad, the king, has been setting you up with marraige interviews for the last few years. You decided you had enough and used the 'Pyon-Pyon Warp-kun' something that you invented after reading about how my father the Fourth Hokage was able to teleport, but yours only works once a day and does not teleport inorganic matter. Did I get all that right?" Naruto asked and Lala happily nodded. The little robot known as Peke looked between the two bathing people and shook it's head. It was difficult for it to believe that their was still a Zero Type Human left. All of Lala's inventions were based off of the things she had read about them and their abilities.

"Yeah, Daddy doesn't even listen to me when I say I don't like it! He should totally try and understand how hard it is to have to listen to men four times my age go on and on about themselves." Lala said childishly, while Naruto looked at the bathroom door to make sure Mikan or Rito did not come in. Naruto wrapped a towel around his waist and picked up Lala, then moving over to the window he jumped out and sped off towards his own apartment when he felt two chakra signatures coming. Meaning their were Devildukians coming after Lala.

"Lala, I agree that your dad is in the wrong, but you need to think about his side of things too. He is the king, he is a busy man and he wants to know that their is someone that can look after you and his kingdom." Naruto said as he building hopped with the pink haired girl in his arms. Peke molding around her, forming clothes and they landed in a clearing. "I say we have another ten minutes before they are able to get here. So... anything you want to tell me tha you might have left out?" Naruto asked and Lala put a finger to her chin in thought. Then she bobbed the side of her own head.

"Nope!" Lala chirped happily and Naruto sighed before getting to work on his trap. At the nape of his neck hair extended down and trailed hidden by his body before going into the ground. Naruto honestly wished he could still do the Shadow Clone Justu, but the Nanomachines in his body can not be copied by chakra and pop the clone the second it is made. Naruto smirked though when his trap was finished. In a few minuted the two goons came into the area.

"You did very well leading us away Earthling, but return Lala-sama to us and you may live passed this day with your planet intact." The bearded goon said. Naruto smirked and when they stepped closer metal spikes shot from the ground connected to blond hair. The hair wrapped around their bodies and stopped them from moving, while the spikes came within a centimeter of their throats. This world my not have a very large source of natural energy, and he may not be able to use clones anymore, but Naruto Uzumaki was a trap master of epic proportions.

"Release us Earthling!" The one with slicked back hair yelled, and Naruto had the spike cut a light wound on the back on his neck. With the threat of death hanging over their heads they quickly shut up. From behind the blond hero Lala pulled her eyelid down and stuck her tongue out at the men.

"The two of you are not in positions to be making demands. Also, I am no Earthling, so don't try and treat me like one. Now, I am going to make things very clear. I want you to deliver a message to your commander or whoever is in charge. Lala will NOT be attending anymore marraige interviews. Lala is a person and can pick her own husband when and if she wants to. I will not stand by and watch a young girl being forced into doing something that will hurt her in the end. If you want to get to Lala, your king better bring a whole army because he is going to have to go through me!" Naruto said loudly as Lala blushed behind him. The more he said the more she realized that he was the one she wanted to marry. He was the only person that had tried to get and know her as an person. That and he was brave enough to challenge a whole army for her, and he only knew her for a day.

Heh, she obviously did not know how much danger Naruto would put himself through to save a damsel in distress. Once you were a friend of Naruto Uzumaki, he would gladly give his life to keep you safe and happy.

Naruto turned his hand into a large hammer and walked over to the men, once he was withing striking distance... BAM. Naruto smacked them both with the hammer and knocked them out with the chakra enhanced hammer. He untied them and turned to the blushing Lala. Being the oblivious idiot he was he had no idea what was wrong with her.

"Hey Lala, you alright?" Naruto asked in concern as she nodded with wide eyes.

"Naruto-kun." Lala said after a moment of thought.

"Yeah Lala. What do you need?" Naruto asked before he was wrapped up in a back breaking hug by the pinkette. Naruto wondered what the hell was up with pink haired girls and super strength for a moment before he noticed her shaking. Her head shot up and Naruto saw her eyes sparkling with hope, desire, and respect.

"I want you to be my husband!" Lala yelled in his ear and the world stopped for him. Naruto slowly proccessed the words and thought it over. It sounded like a sweet deal to him, since he was 26 and had yet to be married. Heck, at this point he would even settle for Mikan and she was twelve... Not that age really mattered to him, since when he was twelve he had already been fighting against beings with more power than any human on this planet. He knew her parents would approve of them, but it was not like she liked him.

In other words... Naruto did not want to be a thirty year old virgin in four years, and he really wanted to start a family. He was already semi-stuck in an unaging body, he did not want to be unmarried for the rest of his life! That was just pathetic.

Lala fully expected Naruto to reject her when she said that. She just knew that a great man like him would reject her because he did not love her.

"Sure. When you want the ceremony to be."

See he rejected her just... like... that.

'Did he just... agree?' Lala thought before she smiled and floated up in the air. "YES! TAKE THAT DADDY I FOUND MY OWN HUSBAND LIKE I SAID I WOULD!" Lala gloated with a victory smile. Naruto smiled at her and shook his head. Then he remembered something.

He was only wearing a towel... His clothes were at Rito's... and his Communcation device was in the basket with his clothes.

The nudity did not bother him, the clothes did not bother him, but he NEEDED that Communication device!

"Lala! Come with me to my apartment! I need to go back to my friends and pick some stuff up I forgot!" Naruto yelled as she flew down to the ground and followed him a few miles until they saw an almost abandoned apartment complex. The only people living here were Naruto, and the nice old lady that own the place. He would have tea with her regularly to keep her company. Mashiko Urameshi was a nice old lady, and it pained Naruto to see her all alone in life when she was close to her own death.

Naruto walked them up to his apartment and turned the knob to the door, and the whole thing came off it's hinges! The door even broke apart into pieces and Naruto shrugged it off. He was going to replace it anyway. Lala looked into his apartment and she gave him a sad look. The whole apartment was only a single room with a bathroom that never had hot water, at the side of the room was the couch he slept on, and a little ways away was the small kitchen area with a microwave and cabinet to hold his ramen cups and some other foods. On the floor next to the couch was an old radio. The only thing that surprised was the Mark 99 Escape Pod shrunken down to the size of a T.V. in the corner of the room. Those were some of the fastest space crafts in the universe! **[Sayain Pod from DBZ - Only with the ability to change size]**

At least this was hard core proof he was not from Earth.

Naruto smiled at his apartment. It was not much, but it was his.

"Ahhh! Home sweet home!" Naruto shouted as he jumped on the couch for a moment, Lala followed behinf him with a smile. He did not seem bothered by how bad the place was, then she would not be disturbed by it.

"Thsi place is very... humble." Peke said from the hat on Lala's head. Naruto was surprised at what the robot said, but chuckled.

"Oh don't hold back on my account. I know this place is a piece of shit. I am only staying here until Granny Mashiko dies, then I am accepting Mikan's offer and staying with them. I would still pay them the rent like I do here, but until then I will keep her company and live here with a smile." Naruto said as he scored more points with Lala for his kindness. Not many people would live in a dump just to keep a dying woman company.

"That's so kind of you Naruto-kun. It almost made me cry tears of joy that an Alien loves me just so much." An elderly voice said from the doorway. Her white hair held back in a ponytail and her heavily wrinkled face gave him a smile while her eyes remained squinted. She wore shrine maiden clothes and had a broom in her hand.

"Sorry about the door Granny, but you know how it is." Naruto said and she gave an old knowing giggle and gave Naruto a hug. Not minding that he was only wearing a towel around his waist.

"No problem my dear. I have been running this Inn for over 88 years to this day. I know's it's problems more than anyone else. You should have told me you were bringing home a girl. I would have placed a bottle of wine in your room and a condom." The elderly woman said and Naruto laughed with her. She had already had knowledge on aliens for decades and had immediantly knwon Naruto was one the moment she had seen him. Her Ex-Husband was an alien after all. They lived a long life together and opened an Inn that would serve as a home to aliens and humans alike. Though she had gotten to old to take care of it, and her husband was dead.

"Hehe, this is Lala Devilduke. She is my new..." Naruto started before he was cut off by Lala launching herself onto his arm.

"Bride!" Lala shouted and nuzzled into arm. Mashiko smacked Naruto on the back happily and laughed.

"About time dear! You need to get th girl pregnant soon. I want to have soon great grandbabies to spoil before I kick the bucket, start pushing up daisies, start floating belly up!" Mashiko said with such energy even Naruto blushed a little. The woman had fully accepted her death and would easily joke about it. It made Naruto happy to know such an energetic old woman... that did not have the power to make earthquakes with a single punch.

"You have a few more months left in you before you go. Hey Lala, keep the Granny company while I go get my stuff from Mikan." Naruto said as he walked out of the room. The second he left Mashiko grabbed Lala by the throat and lifted her in the air with a surprising amount of strength that exceeded even Lala's strength. The look she sent Lala was not nearly as friendly as before.

"I will say this once. If you break his heart... I break you. I know the spiritual arts and I am not afraid to take you with me to the afterlife." She said darkly. Naruto had been the first person in a LONg time that made her younger, and loved. He was like the son she never had, even though he looked like a Grandson. If this girl played with his emotioned she would play with her life.

"I swear... I will never hurt him." Lala promised and she was dropped. The old woman was all smiles again at the admittion. That was good enough for her, since this girl seemed unable to lie even in the face of death.

"Good. The boy has had enough heart break in his life. He does not need more now that his life is somewhat stable." Mashiko stated and turned to leave the confused Lala behind. She needed to go forge some papers for Lala now that she would be on Earth for awhile. She had been the one thatr forged Naruto's paper's and many other aliens. She was the best at what she did.

**[With Naruto]**

Naruto quietly snuck in through the window and saw Mikan waiting for him with an angry pout on her face, and his Communication device in her hands. It was randomly blinking and Naruto sighed. It looks like he was going to be explaining himself.

"Naruto Eddie Uzumaki, you have a look of explaining to do. Now stop flashing me your oversized junk and tell me exactly what is going on. I saw you jump out of the window with a pink haired naked girl, and then this thing starts flashing." Mikan said as she was, luckily for her, angry enough to ignore his well endowed body for the moment. Naruto cursed himself for telling her his middle name, and was wondering when she would start blushing.

"Okay, okay but this has to remain a secret from Rito. With his luck what I am about to tell you will become public knowledge and I can't risk that." Naruto said and Mikan nodded. In all honesty she only reason she was jealous was because she had seen him with a naked girl. She did not want his secret becoming puplic knowledge if it was that bad.

"I can deal with that. Rito think's I'm taking a bath and that you left. We have awhile before he comes in here checking to make sure I'm out." Mikan said as she sat on the nearby stool. Naruto sat at the edge of the tub and sighed. This was not how he wanted to tell her.

"I am going to be blunt with you. I was born on another planet over 26 years ago. My people... we were powerful, but violent people that could not go twenty years without war. We had incredible power that made uf the rival's to the strongest race in the universe. I was born in the Land of Fire, and became a warrior to my village and served it faithfully. I was the most powerful man on my planet after many years of training, and then the war happened. Whole towns were wiped out in the blink of an eye, and a giant demon was summoned by a man who fought with an army of immortal zombies. Eventually we had beaten the zombies and the demon was fully summoned and absorbed by the man named Obito Uchiha. We fought bravely and were so close to winning, but he released the demon from his body and it became a tree. That tree backed up with so much power it blew up and destroyed over three fourths of the planet. Thanks to my durable body I survived, but the lower half of my body was blown off." Naruto said as Mikan covered her mouth in horror. It was so sad, and nearly unbelievable but she knew that Naruto was telling the truth. The look in his eyes was that of pure sadness and bitter rage. Naruto almost never hateds anyone and just the mention of this Obito guy brought hatred to his face.

"How... How did you survive?" Mikan asked quietly as Naruto sighed. This was where he had to leave some stuff out. Not because he liked them, but because his sense of honor would not let him. They did save his life, so he could keep them a secret for the most part.

"I got lucky and some aliens were near my planet when it blew. They had a life scanner and I was the only surviver. They picked me up and experimented on my body with Nanomachines for seven years and played around with my DNA." Naruto said as he lifted his hand and it turned into a blade, then a drill, and back into a hand. Further proof of his story. He neglected to mention the clone that was made from his mutated Nanomachines and his manipulated DNA.

"If your 26 why do you look so young?" Mikan asked in curiousity. Naruto chuckled at that one.

"My Nanomachines and the DNA of my clan keep me ageless. You could say I am Immortal to a certain degree, just like anyone with Nanomachines in them. It both helps and hurts us. We are bitches to kill, and never die of old age. Though from a young age the... creater of the Nanomachines has tried to make us think we were nothing more than weapons... slaves to be bought and sold to the highest bidder. I never agreed with it because of my childhood of being a warrior, but some imbrace it. I was 17 when I was introduced to the Nanomachines, so 17 I stay. I can make myself look older or younger if I want. My body has no limitations on it." Naruto said with some pride.

'He is a bit older than I thought, but I will catch up to him in age eventually so it shouldn't pose a problem.' Mikan thought as she remembered the pink haired girl. "Who was the naked girl you were carrying out the window, and what is this thing?" Mikan said as she held up his Communications Device.

"The pink haired girl was Lala Devilduke... I guess you coulds say we were connected by a series of bad luck and stupidity. The device you are talking about is my S.C.D. the Spatial Communication Device. Like my space pod it is the only piece of non-Earth tech I have. I use it to try and contact my little sister, though we aren't blood related." Naruto explained kindly as he remembered Eve, or Golden Darkness as she prefered to be called now. He would either go with Yami or Eve.

"How is she?" Mikan asked curiously.

"She is 24, but she looks only a year older than you. You would like her... I think. She is an assassin so meeting her might mean you are on her kill list. She tries to keep the fact she is an assassin from me, but I can tell." Naruto said and unknown to them Rito shivered in his room. Why did he have the feeling of impending doom?

"How... nice for her?" Mikan questioned more than said. Then she slapped him across the face. "That was for hiding stuff from me." She said darkly.

"I deserved that." Naruto agreed with a palm mark on his cheek. He could agree with that one. Then she got him again.

"That one was for running out into the town naked." Mikan said even more darkly. Naruto nodded his head to that too. That was a bad move on his part.

"I know I deserved that one." He said as Mikan leaned in and kissed his red cheek.

"That one was for telling me the truth when I asked." Mikan stated and got up and left Naruto with a surprised face. She had a sly smile when she left. She still had a chance.

"I... did not deserve that." Naruto said to himself as he got his clothes and got dressed.

He had a lot to think about.

**Chapter End.**

**I hope you all noticed the major changes that are going down. I do not care that Mikan is 12, remember that she was included in the harem of the canon story as well. No complaining please, anyway she looks and acts much older than her real age. I am... going to keep who is in the Harem to myself. That way it is a surprise.**

**PLEASE LEAVE ME LOTS OF NICE LONG REVIEWS**


	4. Chapter 4 Out of Food, Damnit

**Disclaimer: I do Not Own 'Naruto' or ' To Love-Ru'**

**Story Start.**

'Well... this is a new experience. Never had a naked princess on top of me before. I wonder how I should wake her up. I see only two options in this. I can either gently wake her, or do it roughly... Roughly it is then.' Naruto though at the sight of a nude Lala on top off him. The gentle breaths made him feel slightly bad for what he was about to do... Not. This was going to be a riot, and he was barely holding back his laughter just thinking about it. Naruto used his powers to transform his face into the most scary Oni Mask he could imagine, and used his now elongated tongue to poke Lala in the face over and over until she stirred. Now Lala Devilduke was not scared of many things, and under normal situations she would not be scared by his face.

Though, anyone would be scared when you sleep on top of a handsome blond and wake up with a hideous demon under you, poking you with it's tongue. So, like any girl her age, Lala screamed at the top of her lungs and jumped back from him. Knocking Peke off the side of the couch and onto the floor.

"Eeeeeeeeek... Naruto-kun! You almost made me wet the bed!" Lala yelled childishly. Naruto chuckled at how she called his couch a bed. His couch was in no way as comfy as a bed. The floor was softer than the couch, and the reason Lala slept on top of him was because the couch was in horrible condition for sleeping.

"Almost? Then I guess I need to try harder next time. I have to add another stain to this couch somehow." Naruto joked, and Lala threw Peke at his head, much to the dismay of the little robot that learned that his head was harder than steel. Naruto looked at the robot on the floor and laughed. "You okay there Peke?" Naruto asked with barely a hint of concern. It was only a robot after all. The thing was sturdy, and would take more of a beating before going down.

_"I am doing okay Naruto-dono."_ Peke stated as it got up and wobbled before falling back down. Naruto caught the robot before it hit the ground and placed it back on the couch.

"Let me guess... the reason Lala is naked is because you needed to recharge, and she only ever actually wears you." Naruto stated and Lala had an awed look on her face at his brains. Naruyto sweatdropped. He was 26 years old, and had stolen the knowledge of at least four genius' in the last few years. It was not that hard to figure out that a girl with a Costume Robot was naked becasue the robot needed to recharge. What idiot would be surprised by that?

**[With Rito]**

*Achoo!*

"Are you getting sick Rito?" Mikan asked her somewhat useless older brother, and she sighed. Sometimes she hoped that Rito would have become more like Naruto after all the time they spent together at school. One would think that some of Naruto's amazing would rub off on Rito's average.

"Naw, but I have the sudden urge to hit myself over the head for some strange reason... Naruto was be insulting me again." Rito said as he ate the home cooked meal Mikan prepared for him. Though he did have one thought on his mind.

What was Naruto saying about him?

**[With Naruto]**

Naruto looked at his two clothes piles and tried to remember which was the dirty one and which was the clean one. Naruto grabbed a random shirt from the pile and tossed it to Lala. It was a plain white button up shirt, and apparently... it was from the dirty pile. Not his fault he would like to point out since he was going to do laundry today anyway, since he only had one school uniform left and his Sage Cloak that was neatly folded and being used as a pillow.

He had been lucky that his Cloak had survived the planets destruction, and that the scientists were keeping it for study. As it turns out his cloak was now made from 20 percent Toad silk, 40 percent Ninja Wire, and 40 percent Nanomachines. Where it used to be 40 percent Toad silk and 60 percent Ninja Wire. The cloak had the same tranforming power as Naruto, and the clothes Eve used... Naruto needed to get a message to Eve and ask her to send him some special transforming clothes, since if he got into a battle his clothes would be torn beyond repair from his using his power. Earth clothes were made from weak stuff, though they were lighter.

"Wear that until we get you some clothes. You never know when something weird will happen and Peke won't be there to keep you clothed. It always comnes in handy to have a back-up plan after all. Not that I would mind seeing you naked, hell, I would even prefer you stay naked, but I don't want other guys catching glimpses of whats mine... I need to go clothes shopping anyway." Naruto said perversly while Lala slipped on his green stained shirt. At least the reason it was dirty was not because of smell, but because Rito hugged him when he was covered in green stuff. Naruto saw that her womanhood was still exposed when she raised her arms and tossed her some fresh boxers.

"One day of being fiances and your already take such good care of me. I am touched Naruto-kun!" Lala said as she raised her leg and put on the boy underpants. Naruto grinned perversly at the free show she was giving him. He may not be a hrony teenager, but he was still the student of multiple perverts. Naruto shook his head to clear out some of his perverted thoughts. Lala was to innocent right now for sex, and he did not want to ruin her first time because he was horny. Her first time had to be super romantic, and just the right moment.

"Technically it has only been nine hours or so. Not even a full day yet." Naruto corrected with a joking tone that made the immature girl stick her tongue out at him. Two could play that game so Naruto jumped from his position and tackled the durable girl to the ground, and using what he knew of Devildukian female bodies from info he stole, he gently gribbed her tail in his hand and brought it was to his face.

"Ahn!"

"Say 'Naruto-sama I have been a bad girl' and I will let you go." Naruto said as he rubbed the tail sensually and flicked the heart shaped tip. Naruto manipulated his hair so that it surrounded her tail and pleasured her as well. Lala squirmed and made faces as moans escaped her.

"Ahn!"

"Come on, you can say it. Just six little words and I let go of your tail. Unless of course, you like what I am doing." Naruto said as he gently bit down on the very tip for a second. Lala covered her mouth as more moans came out. Naruto's hand went down to the base of the tail and poked at the connecting skin, the most sensitive plave right uner the tip.

"Naruto-sama, I've been a bad girl!" Lala yelled as Naruto pouted at how easily she gave in, but kept to his word and let go of her tail. Lala panted from the whole ordeal while Peke blushed. Naruto would think about how a robot could blush later, but now was not the time.

_"Naruto-dono, forgive me but so far you have random moments of insanity. Will you ever have a moment where you are sane."_ Peke asked as Naruto grinned. He was just acting insane to lighten the mood, and have a little fun now that he did not have to fear for his life from Obito anymore.

"I love those moments of sanity. I like to wave at them as they pass by." Naruto stated as he made a waving motion and turned his head as if to watch something passing by him. Peke sighed while Lala giggled. Naruto bowed to her in his joking way and got dressed himself in the usual school uniform. Naruto looked at the cracked clock on the wall and flinched at how late he was going to be. Yui was going to bitch him out for this.

'Maybe I should skip today... Yep, going to skip school.' Naruto thought as he opened his food cabinet. He was totally cleaned out, and needed to go shopping anyway. Naruto closed it and picked up Peke and tossed the robot to Lala.

"Lala, we are going out to buy some food. Get properly dressed... I am not leaving you alone today." Naruto said as he saw Peke morph around Lala and his clothes fall to the ground. When the morphing stopped Lala was dressed in an outragous outfit. Naruto sighed, but it was her choice what she wore. He did though smile when she latched onto his arm and hummed happily. The girl was literally the happiest person he had ever met.

**[Somewhere else]**

"I suddenly get the feeling that I should track Uzumaki-san down and lecture him about showing up to school on time." A long brown haired girl said with a scowl.

**[Back With Naruto and Lala]**

"So Lala... You have any siblings?" Naruto asked in curiousity.

"Yeah. I got two little sisters Momo and Nana. Momo likes plants and can control then with her mind to certain degrees, and Nana loves animals with the same power of control towards them. They were both sooo cute when they were little. They really hate doing their homework though." Lala said and Naruto rose an eyebrow at the ability to control animals and plants. That would have been useful in the Forest of Death years back.

"How nice for them, but I am pretty sure most kids hate doing homework. I know I did." Naruto said and Lala looked at him curiously. Now that she thought about it why was Naruto going to school when he was old enough to be a father by now?

"Why are you in school anyway?" Lala asked and Naruto sighed.

"The paperwork Granny forged for me has my age at 17, and she never forged a highschool diploma for me. Without that getting a job is much harder, and I would prefer not to have to do this either. Though I guess my future job was already picked for me." Naruto said with a sly grin at Lala, who gave him a happy look. She was still surprised he had just agreed to marry her.

Little known to her at this point Naruto did not care who he married as long as she was a nice person. He did not care about looks at all, as long as it was female and kind he would agree.

"Yep, long live Naruto Uzumaki, future King of the Universe." Lala said as she started clapping. Naruto took a bowing position and attracted many strange looks from the other people standing in the market. Naruto layed a tender kiss upon Lala's hand and they got back to shopping.

"Damn, they are out of ramen. Guess I am going to have to get Hotpockets this time. Lets see... Pizza, Hamburger, and grab a few of those to last until I get my next Authors check." Naruto muttered as he filled the cart with HotPockets.

"Author's Check? Your a writer?" Lala asked and Naruto grinned perversly, pulling a book from his.

_The Tales of Naruto Uzumaki_

"I wrote a book about my life and everyone thinks it's fiction. If you ever want to learn more about me all you have to do is read this book. It's only really popular with young girls and older teens though, so the income for it is not to much. But a single check from this lasts me three months before it runs out, and I get paid every three monthes for it. My next check is in a week so looks like we are going to be mooching off of Mikan and Rito." Naruto said without a care. His life style was not that much different from when he was a ninja, except the uber dangerous missions. Lala reached for the book, but Naruto raised it above his head and out of her reach.

"Let me read it!" Lala said with a child's pout. Naruto placed his other hand on her head to stop her from flying to get it.

"Sorry Lala, but you are going to have to learn about me the old fashion way. No cheating for you unless you do it behind my back." Naruto said as Lala crossed her arms and puffed out her cheeks. Naruto laughed at the child-like tactic to get what she wanted.

"Naruto-kun so mean." She said as she looked away from him. Naruto shrugged and turned to walk away with a grin on his face. He started a mental countdown and once he hit Zero Lala had rejoined him and leaned into his side like before.

"I am not mean. After all, where would the fun in learning about each other if you were able to just read a book about me. That would take all the excitement out of the journey of romance, and as an inventer you want to know what makes me tic anyway." Naruto lectured the smiling girl. When he put it that way it made a lot more sense than what she planned. They continued idle chat until they paid for the groceries and left.

"... and then she pledged her eternal love for me and desire to bare my children, though by that time I was already in the running position and took off like a bat out of hell. There was no way I was going to have sex with a fangirl... Unless she was really REALLY good looking. Then I may have a one night stand with her." Naruto said to the amused Lala, and sweat dropping Peke.

"So you really met a mermaid before?" Lala asked and Naruto nodded.

"Yeah, but her family was apart of the Mermaid Yakuza and I did not want to have to deal with that crap. That and she was a fangirl of my books, number one rule of being and author is to never date a person that is insane about your books. They know where you live if the book does not end the right way they want it." Naruto explained and Lala gave him a look.

"That is really something. Who knew their were mermaids on Earth!" Lala said with an excited smile. Naruto paled when he realized what she was thinking, so he flicked her forehead.

"No, bad Lala. We are not looking for those mermaids. Those bastards are crazy." Naruto stated firmly, and Lala pouted again. Naruto's face softened slightly and he sighed again. "Tell you what, how about we go to the beach one day and you can play around there." Naruto offered and she nodded happily. Naruto sighed at the bullet dodged and saw something that he was afraid would happen.

Yui Kotegawa was looking for him... That girl reminded him way to much of Granny Tsunade mized in with some Sakura for his liking. That combination made her scary as hell to him, and he did not like hitting women so he would not fight back to much. Why do you think he let Sakura hit him. Naruto hid behind Lala's legs and ass and made sure to stay as covered as possible.

'Nice view.' Naruto idly thought and Yui seemed to catch something.

"I know your close by you Shameless man. Come on out and take your lecture like a man!" Yui yelled and Naruto hid firmly behind Lala. He was not about to walk willingly into feminine fury, because unlike Jiraiya he was not that stupid... Nevermind he was that stupid.

'Mmm, it looks like you have grown again since the last time you tried to lecture me Yui-chan. 88 Centimeters Bust, 59 Centimeters Waist, and your Hips are 87 Centimeters. Looks like that you gained some weight in your hips and breasts... Fuck! She is coming this way.' Naruto thought as Yui followed the line of perverse thoughts she was sensing. Naruto pushed Lala out of the way of a kick aimed at his head and he blocked a punch aimed at his neck. Naruto was the only boy Yui ever got violent with, but that was mostly because Naruto was always annoying her by skipping class, joining Risa and Mio in groping girls, fighting senslessly with gangs in the city, and worse of all was that she was never able to get him to stop.

"Hey Yui-chan, I see you found me again. I will be asking you how the hell you keep doing that, but your just going to call me a pervert." Naruto said as he sucked a kicked and swipped his hand up and created a wind that lifted her skirt up, while at the same time letting Naruto see her pink panties with strwberries on them. "Aw come one Yui-chan, you know I like it when you wear the white ones with the kitten on the crotch better. If your ever going to try and seduce me why must you be so stubborn about this." Naruto said as Yui blushed and pushed her skirt back down. She was literally shaking with rage and embarrassement from his remark.

"You... I... SHAMELESS! I do not have a childish crush on you Uzumaki! Stop being a pervert and let me beat you up!" Yui yelled as Lala giggled at the interaction between the two. Naruto tilted his head and moved under her fist and got behind her.

*SMACK*

"Ole!" Naruto yelled as he smacked her on the butt and raised his arms in the air. Naruto ducked another fist and repeated his action.

*SMACK*

"Ole!"

*SMACK*

"OLE!"

"Gaaaaah! Die already!" Yui yelled after having her ass smacked for the third time. In Naruto's opinion smacking her ass was much better than actually hitting her, so when he 'fought' her he usually just groped her boobs or spanked her. Yui charged him again and this time the world slowed down to her when Naruto kissed her just at the edge of her lips with that devilish grin of his. He leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"Ole Yui-chan, and you shall remember this as the day you almost hit Naruto Uzumaki. So long." Naruto said as he dusted himself off and walked away from the stunned silent girl. Going over to Lala he held out his arm for her to take. Naruto quickly left with his and Lala's Hotpockets before Yui realized what he had just done.

"Who was that?" Lala asked and Naruto looked around.

"That was Yui Kotegawa, she is a... friend of mine from school you could call her. I am trying to get her to lighten up and enjoy life a little, but sadly nothing seems to work. Though I do know she has fun during our little spats. I think she is a Tsundere with a crush on me though." Naruto said and Lala tilted her head.

"Tsundere?" She asked with a confused expression again. Naruto sighed and was about to begin listing the different types of Dere when he felt an incredible spike of killing intent coming from the direction Yui was in.

"UZUMAKI! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!"

Yep, just another day in the life of Naruto Uzumaki.

**Chapter End.**

**Next Chapter - The Alien Swordsman**

**I have reasons for doing the things I do, and I hope you can all find the clue I left in this chapter that will explain. Yes, I am a pirates of the Carribbean fan and this story will use some quotes from the Great Jake... Captain Jack Sparrow. Naruto will be serious on some occassions and goofy in others. That is how he rolls.**

**Please Leave Me Lots Of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please**


	5. Chapter 5 New Phone?

**Disclaimer: I do Not Own 'Naruto' or 'To Love-Ru'**

**Story Start.**

"Naruto, what wrong with you? You look like you haven't slept all night. You okay?" Rito asked his friend, and Naruto nodded. Lala had been tinkering with some weird invention all last night and he had not gotten any sleep at all, and to make it worse he had to sneek passed Yui this morning since she was waiting for him at the front gates. That girls was a monster when she was angry!

"I haven't slept, but that is not important. How are things with you and Haruna? Anything spicy going on I should know about, or are you so busy stuttering around her that you haven't done anything?" Naruto asked and the boy glared at his grinning friend while remembering how the two of them held hands on the way to school. If he had said that though he knew Naruto would tease him to no end.

"Oh yeah, you should avoid Yue. She was really mad at you for somethin yesterday, so what did you do to her this time." Rito asked and Naruto laid back in his chair and stuck his feet on the desk.

"Well it all goes like this. I was sitting in my house studying..." Naruto started before the whole class interupted him.

"Bullshit."

"Okay, I was buying hotpockets at the store. When all of a sudden this weird alien girl starts hanging off me and Yue saw this and got jealous of us. So I tried to desolve the situation as best I could through completely legal means when I saw a spider on the back of her skirt. So being the good person I was I smacked it off of her bottom, but it just kept jumpin right back on so I beat the horny little spider to death." Naruto said and this was transalted by everyone as 'I spanked Yue on the ass yesterday.' Though they knew the story was a lie the second he said alien, since they did not exist. Not counting foreiners.

"I am going to go out on a limb and say that you also kissed her." Rito deadpanned and Naruto had the decency not to look anyone in the eye. Naruto had been well known to randomly kiss girls when they were pissed off at him. To him the shock on their faces was so hilarious that it was well worth the temorary hate he got for it.

"What!? Pffft, no. I just gave her a little peck, so calling it a kiss would be going much to far. At most I would say she desevred it for trying to kill me." Naruto stated before he swung his hand out and it collided with Saruyama's face. The boy had just been about to hit Naruto when he felt the painful wrath of three cans of whoop ass. "Maybe you should try this again after you start working about Monkey Boy. It would go so much better for you."

"...Fuck... you Uzumaki." Saruyama said before he remembered why he was angry at Naruto in the first place. "Why the hell do you have a hot cosplay girl asking for you at the front gates!? Why the hell do all the hotties find you so attractive you basta- gack!" Saruyama started before getting punched the the face by Naruto. He tried to remember all the cosplayers he knew that would be looking for him when he smacked his head. There was no way Lala would be foolish enough to come to his school before they had worked out all the details... Right? Grabbing Saruyama by the collar he lifted him up in the air.

"Monkey... What does this girl look like?" Naruto asked as he raised his other fist to show he would hit the boy if he messed up the description with his perverted antics.

"Long Pink Hair."

_Fuck._

"Green Eyes."

_Double Fuck._

"Devil Tail cosplay."

_Triple Fuck._

"Huge knockers!" *BAM*

'Damnit Lala, don't you have any impulse control at all!? We were going to enroll you in like one week so why are you shwoing up now!?' Naruto thought as he knocked the perverted boy out, and dropped him to the ground. Rito looked at Naruto expectingly, since this was the first time Naruto ever showed interest in a girl... that was not border-line molestation. His grapping of the females breasts in the school was considered an everyday occurence now, and most just stopped caring.

"Do you know this girl Naruto?" Rito asked and prepared to go home and tell Mikan the bad news. He knew she had a low chance of getting together with Naruto but this was going to break her heart if Naruto was dating this girl. Heck, Naruto was an attractive male with a fun personality, and even the other guys at school could admit it. Naruto was rated as the number one man in the school for a reason, so him having a secret girlfriend was not very surprising.

"I have no clue who that girl is... I just felt like punching the pervert in the face." Naruto stated and Rito sweat dropped. Naruto always said his excuse for doing perverted things was because he meant nothing by it for the most part. The times he felt up Yui, and gave Yui kisses, and stole her panties from her while she was wearing them without her noticing, AND teasing her was to get her to blush and go off into a rage. Naruto had admited to like seeing the angry faces of girls, and he loved girls that could throw a punch.

"Says the man that gropes women on a daily basis." Rito stated and Naruto looked at him.

"Says the brat that wants his face punched next, and can fall down stair into a crowd of boys yet still land with his head in a girls crotch and yet you never put that power to good use. I worry about you savy." Naruto stated and Rito blushed at the correct statement. It was way to easy to tease this boy it almost stopped being fun for Naruto.

Almost.

The door suddenly burst open as Lala came into the room lead by an angry Yui, and in less than a second Naruto got up and jumped out the window.

"Get back here Uzumaki!" Yui yelled in anger as she ran out of the room to chase him down. The second she was out of distance Naruto popped back up and showed he had been hanging from the edge.

"... Morning Lala." Naruto stated as he made his way back into the room and looked out the window to see Yui running out of the school grounds in a near murderous rage. He grinned just before Lala hugged his arm right into her cleavage, and his grin got bigger.

"Morning Naruto-kun! I just came to give you this!" Lala chirped happily as she pulled out his Communication Device he had, but it looked a lot different than what it looked like when he last used it. Now instead of being disk shaped it looked like a pink, flip, cellphone with black swirly hearts on it... Lala must have done something to it.

"You... What did you do to it?" Naruto asked and Lala took the phone from his hand and started pressing buttons, before she grabbed his arm again and they vanished in a white flash. Naruto's clothes were left behind and everyone in the room rubbed their eyes to check to see if what happened was real. When Naruto blinked he saw that he and Lala were in the middle of a deserted street... with Yui blushing right in front of them. It took Naruto a few seconds to realize both he and Lala were naked, before he felt a fist slam into the side of his face from a glaring Yui.

"Indecent! Perverted! Uncouth! Uzumaki, have you no shame!?" Yui asked before Naruto stood back up without any injury and stretched his arms.

"Shame? Hah! Shame is for lesser men with small dicks. Me and King Dong here are to proud to be shy about our nudity!" Naruto yelled in triumph, and behind him Lala clapped at his speech and Yui blushed as her eyes drifted downwards to the self proclaimed King Dong... Okay, the title was well earned. Yui glared angrily at the penis mocking her with it's nudity... and if she was not mistaken it glared right back.

"Sir! You are hereby under arrest for public indecency. Please place your hands where I can see them!" Naruto heard a person shout from behind him, and saw that a cop had arrived. Picking Lala up bridal style he ran like crazy to avoid the cops while laughing maniacally, as he ran by Yui he reached out and gave her a scoop to the breasts and like the cop she started chasing him two.

"Stop resisting arrest!"

"Get back here so I can kill you!"

"I can't believe it's not butter!" Naruto yelled back and in a puff of smoke a tub of not butter appeared in his hand and he tossed it on the ground behind him and the two chasing him slipped. Lala was giggling at him while he watched he breasts vibrate from the joyous laughter. He also enjoyed her laughter simply because it had a nice tone to it, but the fun eventually had to end when they ended up back at his apartment and they got a change of clothes. Peke flew in soon after and morphed around Lala to cover her, and soon it was like they were never naked... except the memories that would be ingraved in that cops and Yui's head, as well as everyone they passed by.

"Okay Lala... what the hell did you do to my Communicator!?" Naruto yelled as he looked at all the new buttons. It took him forever to figure out the old one, and now he had this thing!

"Lets see... I added a warping feature, a holding feature like mine, extended calling with increased range, made it cute, added a tracking feature so I know wherever you go, and put a tracker so you can always find me." Lala chirped and Naruto looked at the phone in his hand with caution. This thing was going to cuase him a lot of trouble... he just knew it.

"Lala, warn me next time you do something like this." Naruto said simply while a White haired man sitting on his couch with a dog chewing on his leg nodded sagely. The guy was wearing a bone suit, and on his side was a sword handle. Naruto stared at him for a moment before shrugging.

...

...

...

"Why are you in my bedroom?" Naruto finally asked after a moment of silence.

"This is a living room." The man responded in kind.

"Nope, this is the bedroom, living room, dining room, and storage room." Naruto stated and the guy looked around.

"Nice, it has a good feeling. The scary demon woman running this place told me that Lala-sama was living in this room at the moment. I have come to retrieve her by order of Kin-" The man started before Lala cut him off.

"I am not meeting anymore husband canditates. Tell daddy that I have picked Naruto-kun as my husband Zastin!" Lala yelled and Zastin looked at Naruto with a surprised look. He knew he had felt some kind of hidden energy in Naruto, but who knew that he was one of the nearly extinct Zero Type Humans. Actually now that he thought about it, Gid had been very interested in watching the war on the planet take place from his ship. He himself was going to challenge Naruto to a fight, and ask him to wed his daughter.

"Didn't you die when your planet exploded. King Gid was very annoyed when he heard of your death, and had been upset for months at the loss of a very powerful opponent. How did you survive?" Zastin asked and Lala blinked at not recieving the usual answers she got when she talked back to Zastin.

"Pffft. Like something small like a planet blowing up could kill me. I was just majorly injured from it, and it took me a few years to recover. Now... if you would be so kind as to stop releasing that battle lust and leave my apartment." Naruto left off and Zastin chuckled.

"Sorry, but I do admit that the very thought of fighting a powerful opponent like yourself fills me with joy. How about a deal Naruto-dono. If you defeat me in battle I will leave Lala-sama in your capable hands, but if you lose you will leave Earth with us and appear before the Kind and swear your loyalty to him." Zastin offered and Naruto gave a grin filled with blood-lust, and nodded. Lala smiled at the friendly display of male friendship at it's finest and knew that the two would soon be good friends... after Naruto beat Zastin.

"Sounds good to me, and I know the perfect place." Naruto stated as he placed a hand on Zastin's shoulder, and Lala's hand. In a golden flash the two vanished with Naruto and they all reappeared on a deserted island with a single sandy beach that went from one side to another. Unknown to many they were just transported back to the first place Naruto could think off... at the beach on a small plot of land he had found during last years school fieldtrip.

"Lala-sama... Please be the referee for this match." Zastin asked kindly as he drew his handle and in a glowof green an energy blade sprung up from the handle. Naruto smiled at the cool sword, and his left arm turned into a large blade of his own.

"Don't disappoint me Zastin. I may not be able to hold back." Naruto stated simply, and Lala riased her hand and shot it at the ground. The two fighters disappeared from view and appeared at the spots the other was standing. Zastin had his blade extended, while Naruto had his transformed arm at his side. A thin cut appeared on Naruto's shoulder, while Zastin felt his back rip up as blood shot from him. His bone armor had protected him from most of the damage, and he raised his sword and blocked anouther strike from Naruto.

"Good reflexes Zastin, but... Uzumaki Cannonball!" Naruto yelled as his arm turned back and he flipped foreward. He curled up into a ball and let one leg stick out, before it turned into a giant wrecking ball and destroyed the ground were Zastin had been standing. Naruto turned his foot back right away and felt the blade go across his hand before he pulled it out of the way. This man was skilled, he would give him that.

"Very good Naruto-dono, but your transformation speed holds you back." The man observed and Naruto shrugged before he vanished from view and was in front of Zastin with a right hook halfway extended, and twelve fists made of his hair transformed into hands surronded the man and hit him with a barrage of attacks. Once th attacks had finished, and Zastin was knocked back the hair went back to what it was originally and Naruto's red eyes looks into Zastin's heterocromic eyes as blood-lust sparked.

"My speed was not the problem. I just did not want the fight to be over so easily. The stronger the opponent is, the more power I use so I can enjoy the fight to the max." Naruto explained as the ground under Zastin shifted and another Naruto gave him a sucker punch to the jaw. From the ground he saw that this Naruto had blank eyes, and out of the back of his head there were strands of hair leading to the original Naruto's head.

"Nanomachine Clone, as long as he is connected to my hair I can control his every move. He also has the potential to use all my powers, and I am able to see everything from his eyes as well as my own." Naruto said as the clone turned yellow and went back into Naruto's hair. This was the skill he had made to replace his Shadow Clone Jutsu. As it turns out the Jutsu could not copy working machines, and since Naruto's body was mostly Nanomachines the clones body would simply break down and poof from the damage it inflicted on itself.

Zastin stood back up and rubbed the blood from his busted lip and grinned at the good fight he was getting. He charged at Naruto and released slash after slash, but Naruto would counter every time with a good punch. Every cut Zastin landed would only take seconds to heal, while Naruto was leaving dark purple bruises with every punch.

'Wow! Naruto-kun is giving Zastin a real beating! He is even holding back a lot of his power.' Lala thought as she watched the two clash over and over again for hours on end. Naruto had full plans to drag this fight out as long as he could, while Zastin was nearing the end of his stamina. Most of his body was killing him, and he was starting to get woozy from blood loss.

"You are good Zastin, but not nearly even close enough to be considered in my league. I think is time I finished this. Hair Raiser!" Naruto shouted out the last part with a snap of his fingers, and Zastin found he was no longer able to move his body. He was shocked to find out that most of his body had nearly unnoticable hairs circling his limps and torso.

"Wh-when did you trap me!?" The white haired man shouted in shock. Naruto grinned and Zastin felt the cut on his back heal, and he then realized just how outclassed he was. Naruto had placed the hairs since the very beginning of the fight, and could have ended this fight at any time he wanted. Zastin had been humored the whole fight.

"I paced the first few strands at the beginning of the fight, while every other one was placed when I hit you. Goodnight Zastin. Chakra Transfer: Version Draining." Naruto said as he pulled Zastins chakra from his body and through his hair. Naruto had always been a natural had giving his chakra to others, so pulling out their chakra had been very easy for him to learn. It would only work on beings that actually had chakra though.

"Da-mnit... Good... match Naruto-dono." Zastin stated as he fell into blissful slumber, and Lala ran to check on him. She sighed in relief when she found out he was only knocked out. She jumped up on her feet and ran to give Naruto a hug, before he knocked her on the skull with the side of his hand. He gave her a big hug when she was rubbing her head cutely.

"That was so cool! You should have seen it... Oh wait you were there." Lala corrected herself with a blush at her stupid moment. Naruto chuckled at her question and snapped his fingers again. The area around them all blurred before it showed them back in his apartment, and Zastin laying on the couch.

Ah. The wonders of recreating the Hiraishin from seeing his Dad use it. It took awhile, and a lot of help from Kurama but he got it done. Now all that was left to do was wait for Zastin to wake up and leave so that Naruto could get a good nights sleep. Though he walked to the bathroom and took his phone with him.

He had a call to make.

**Chapter End.**

**I was pretty tired when I wrote this, so I hope it turned out fine. I plan on going back and looking over awhile later to make sure I got everything the way I want it. Naruto will hold back in most of his fights. After all it would not be much of a fight if he whipped out a Rasen-Shuriken and beat them in one move. Naruto will lower his skill level to that of his opponents, unless he has a point to prove.**

**Please Leave Me Lots Of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please.**


	6. Chapter 6 Filler Chapter

**Disclaimer: I do not own 'Naruto' or 'To Love-ru'**

**Warning - This will be the most random chapter I have ever made, and it will be almost crack level stuff. Prepare for MAJOR humor. Also Filler Chapter. I nearly died laughing while writing this, so prepare yourselves.**

**Story Start.**

"Catch me if you can you _shameless_ girl!" Naruto yelled as he ran through the halls of the school with a pair of white panties with little kittens on them. He quickly truned a corner when a red faced Yui ran in his direction with her hands covering her skirt and backside from moving as she ran after him.

"I am not _shameless_ you perverted bastard!" Yui shouted as she chased after the man waving her panties around like a flag. Just when she was about to catch up to him Naruto did a flipping manuever and slid under and in between her legs.

"Somebody is getting wet!" Naruto yelled as he jumped back up mid slide and started running in the other direction. Yui was frozen in lace with a face that looked like a boiled lobster, and then her anger increased tenfold and then renewed her efforts to beat the hell out of the blond haired male.

Rules and Laws be damned! He was going to die today!

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Yui shouted as she chased him with whole new energy, and the second she turned the corner to find him she saw her panties folded neatly on the floor with a note on it. Picking up her panties and rushing into the nearest bathroom to put them on she read the note and she grit her teeth.

**[With Naruto]**

"Bwahahahahahahaha!" Naruto laughed in one of his crazier moments while he ran around swinging a guitar he found over his head. He was so crazy at this moment that moments later when Zastin rounded a corner.

"Ah Naruto-dono! I have a message for you from Ki-" Zastin started before he was kicked in the face by the insane Naruto. He was sent flying into the ground and knocked unconsious. Naruto stopped and looked down at the downed man with an overexagerated look.

"OH GOD I KILLED ZA-KUN!" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs before Zastin twitched and Naruto sent him a silent look. Before he lifted his new stolen guitar over his head, and bashed Zastin in the head with it. "DIE ZOMBIE ZASTIN! DIE DIE DIE!"

*Twang Twang Bang Twang*

"Ple- sto- Naruto-dono." Zastin tried to say and Naruto stopped beating him in the face with the guitar for a moment. Then insanity came back to his eyes, or at least Zastin hoped it was insanity, because if not then Naruto was beating the hell out of him for the hell of it.

"DON'T DIE ZASTIN! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! LIKE GETTING EXPERIMENTED ON BY LALA, AND BABY SITTING OUR FUTURE KIDS, AND... I am going to put you out of your misery now." Naruto stated as he quickly imagined what kind of hellish child he and Lala would produce. It was much safer for Zastin to die this way. So, with this in mind Naruto raised his guitar over his head again and smiled.

Yes... This was completely for Zastin's sake. Not for his amusement at all.

"DIE ZASTIN DIE! ASCEND TO YOUR PLACE IN THE AFTERLIFE, AND MAY YOU FIND PEACE!" Naruto yelled before he resumed the beating on the white haired, and very unlucky, alien crying on the ground as he faced the constant stream of blows to the head.

"Not the face, not the face!" Zastin yelled in a moment of renewed panic, before Naruto smiled and swung lower and hit the general in the one place that a man wanted to be hit in less than the face. Naruto was bludgeoning Zastin right in the balls, and Zastin screamed silently before passing out after the first blow. Hopefully this whole event would leave him so tramatized that he would forget it even happened.

"Just to be sure..." Naruto whispered with smile as he took a golfing pose and hit him in the head once again. This time Zastin was sent flying into the distance, and judging by his speed and the rate of gravity was pulling him down he would land right at...

The Male Strip Club in the gay part of town.

Poor Zastin... Oh well, time to go after his next victim anyway.

**[With Lala]**

"I wonder what went wrong?" Lala asked herself as she looked at her newest broken invention. The newly named Truth or Dare Lovey-kun. She had made it so that she and Naruto could play truth or dare without being able to lie to each other, but when she shot him with it Naruto just started giggling with a weird smile before running off to school, leaving her alone to try and find out what went wrong.

Opening up the side she noticed that she had forgotten to take into account the fact that Naruto's body was made up of living machines that were intuned to his mind and will. The nanomachines themselves would be counted as organic material, and since his body was now 100 percent nanomachines combined with his own DNA or base genetic material he was a new breed of Zero Type Human!

"Hmmm, so maybe the radio frequency I used caused a reaction with the nanomachines that make up his body, and this in turn caused his mind to fall into temporary insane state. How fun!" Lala thought out loud as she started tinkering with her device some more, and mildly wondered what Naruto was up to.

**[Back With Naruto]**

"Bark for me sweet kitty!" Naruto commanded as he gently pulled on the leash he was holding that led to a collar on Mikan's neck, and she blushed at what had happened in the last few minutes. One second she was getting changed for her gym class, and the next she was in a skimpy leather kitty outfit on her hands and knees while he placed brown cat ears on her head.

"What has gotten into you Naruto-kun?" Mikan asked before his red eyes looked at her in some weird emotion, before he blushed and spanked her. She eep'd and her blush increased at the somewhat welcome contact, even though she was denying that she wanted it.

"I said start barking sexy kittycat!" Naruto shouted loudly as he strumbled around like a drunk, and then he looked around and saw her again. He blinked a few times before he seemed to realize something. "WHO PUT MIKAN-CHAN IN A SEXY OUTFIT!?" Naruto yelled out as he completely forgot he had stripped her down and out this on her himself.

"Are you drunk right now?" Mikan asked, and Naruto stared at her again before grabbing the tiny bottom of her leather outfit and pulling it down slightly so that half of her ass was visible.

"Naughty girl not wearing panties." Naruto commented before he was kicked in the head by instinct by Mikan, but he barely noticed the headshot before he pulled the leather up and pulled hand cuffs out of nowhere and got her hands behind her back and attached them. Mikan opened her mouth to protest before her own panties were forced into it, and she looked around to find that she was somehow in her room. Blinking she realized that she was still in the leather revealing cat outfit with her hands cuffed, and no way to escape.

That and Naruto was nowhere in sight.

"What the hell was up with him, and why is he being so insane? Normally he just messes with Rito a bit, or does a minor prank. Something is seriously wrong with Naruto today?" Mikan asked as she prayed for the next poor soul Naruto went after, before remembering that without Naruto to uncuff her she had no way of doing anything.

Like right now that she knew she would not be able to move she had the sudden urge to use the restroom.

**[With Rito]**

Rito looked around in panic as he saw Naruto laughing at what he had just done to his friend. The second he had seen Rito Naruto had knocked him out and stripped him down, and now he was plastic wrapped to an equally naked Haruna in the sixty-nine position. Haruna was still conked out, and Rito was trying to look anywhere but at Haruna at the moment.

"Bwahahahahaha! Gehehehehe! Kehehehehe! Hahahehe!" Naruto laughed as he rolled all over the floor before sitting up perfectly straight and blinking again, and a blush rolled over his face as he grinned a drunken grin. Running out of the room he heard a scream and laughed to himself at the fact Haruna must have awoken.

"Kyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

He blinked at that one, since that was actually Rito that screamed in such a girly way.

"Hehehe!" Naruto laughed as he ran into an angry Yui again.

"Uzumaki! What do you have to sa- mmppff!" Yui started before Naruto got in her face and started to kiss her deeply, and try as she might to attempt to shove him off of her her arms fell limply to her sides and her eyes rolled up at the rough yet soft lips of the dominating male kiss- nope, french kissing her. His tongue was literally poking at the bac of her throat on occasion before he stopped and carried her around bridal style, and he then procceeded to ruin whatever moment he had created by sticking her headfirst into the nearest trashcan. Her skirt was flipped by gravity to show moist panties, and Naruto did what his insane mind told him.

He opening his mouth and bit her right on the left cheek.

Her screams of anger were unheared as she tried to kick everything that got close to her, but it was good for her that Naruto had already wondered off to his next victim.

**[With Naruto Once More]**

"Lala-tan come out and play with me!" He yelled in insane glee as he ran around the city with a toy lightsaber and a rubber chicken. While running he bumbed into the same cop he had tripped with not-butter.

"Hey! Come back here!" The cop yelled before Naruto turned to him with a blank look, and then it happened. Naruto grinned and threw the rubber chicken at the cop, before he could catch the rubber item it exploded into hundreds of rubber dildos and covered the MALE cop in the penis shaped objects. The storage seal Naruto had placed on the rubber chicken had been a success!

"The chicken 'came' dildos... BWAHAHAHA!" Naruto laughed out before he ran off towards his apartment in record time to find Lala tinkering with something. Sneaking up behind her he crouched down slowly and placed his hands in the tiger symbol.

"Hmmm... if I connect this wire then the energy output will be halved, but it should effect Naruto like it would a normal person." Lala said to herself, having not noticed him behind her yet.

"APPLE SURPRISE!" Naruto yelled as he japped her in the ass and they both were quiet for a moment before Lala moaned and collapsed to the ground and twitched a few time. His thumps had trailed along her tail when he poked her, and unknown to many her most potent erogenous zone was her butt.

Everybody learned one thing that day.

While normal Naruto would annoy you on purpose or prank you, never get him high or drunk of this side of him may just come out to play again.

You WILL be sexually prevoked and or humiliated by an insane blond if you do, and the worst part was that Naruto had no memory of doing any of that stuff the next day.

**Chapter End.**

**Next Story to be Updated: Naruto the Host to Monsters, Naruto the Ace of Cait Shelter, and Naruto the Dragonkin.**

**Please Leave Me Lots of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please.**


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